I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
