Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I have aggressive nipples.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
its liver damage thursday
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
