you lied. pity sex is amazing.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
