Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize