So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
