sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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