U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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