I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
