He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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