how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
