Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
