I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
