she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I looked at my own cervix.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
