I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
