I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
