Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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