If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
