I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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