Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
