I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
