Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
