Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
