I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize