I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
