im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
