it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We are two peas in an std pod
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize