Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
