i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
