I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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