it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
