i think my tv is drunk
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
