I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
