He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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