Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
