The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
