i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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