My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
