it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
