i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
