There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
