Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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