You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
