i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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