i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
