I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I have already put on my inside pants.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
