I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
