Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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