too bad you live with your parents still
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
