Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
