How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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