you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
lol hangovers are for mortals.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
