The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
