end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
only if we run a train.
done.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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