i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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