Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
