Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
