Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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