Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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