everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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