nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
