were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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