I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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