I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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