I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
