just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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