Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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