I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
