Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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