i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
