I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
