i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
