I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
