he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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